"She didn't defend herself as an artist."
I am thinking about that Vivian Maier documentary, Finding Vivian Maier (2013). I watched it a few years ago on MUBI. I don't know why it's on my mind today. It just happened.
There's one quote that I don't remember exactly, but it lingered in my mind, fragmented, so I searched and found the documentary's subtitles (since I couldn't be bothered enough to rewatch it). Here it is:
Some people's character prevents them from pushing that little bit you need to push to get the work seen. You know, she didn't defend herself as an artist. She just did the work.
I am not even an artist, or trying to be one. I just resonate with it.
I am now reflecting on my own work and personality. I have been working on a few projects at work and also in private, some of them over quite a long time. I've been told that I should write papers and make them known (and, more importantly, make them citable). But I don't want to write about them at all. I did the work, and some (but not all) are amazing, by my own standards. But whenever I look back, I feel embarrassed by my younger self, and then I tweak them a bit and they are better. The feeling repeats itself the next time I look at them. It never ends.